It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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