Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
