let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
