You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
