I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
