So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
