The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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