college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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