im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
