We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
