In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
