**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
