You can't special order awesome
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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