I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
