Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
