first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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