NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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