i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Even my vagina gasped.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
