Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
