i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize