i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
