put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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