Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
