He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
