your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish you could order shots online.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
