rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think my moral compass just broke
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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