google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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