glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
meet me or not, i'm out of control
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize