I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
