So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
