i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
