Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize