Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
