saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
