Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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