He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
