He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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