Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
