Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
