i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Someone came in the potted fern
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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