She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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