my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
