Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
