I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
His hands were made for my vagina.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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