The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
