I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
