Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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