Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
