I could have mohawked her pubes.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
