Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
