I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
the liver wants what the liver wants
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
