i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She's the barista slut.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
