Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Randomize
