Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
