awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
