He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
