you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
