how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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