i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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