How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
