Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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