She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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