dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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