I accidentally had phone sex last night
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
