so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
