ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
