the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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