Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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