i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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