so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
