My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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