This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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